And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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