My sheets look like a crime scene.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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