There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
