hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
