i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
last night I used snow as a chaser
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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