in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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