when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
