Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
