Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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