The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
