that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
