Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.