Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dating After Heartbreak
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.