If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.