When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?