When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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