This is not my ceiling
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with