So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji