her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation