Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...