Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
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hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?