how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
