Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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