i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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