@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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