Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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