spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
