Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
