I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
