is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
