I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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