I just cut my nipple shaving
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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