can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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