summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
