fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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