I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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