I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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