they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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