dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
