Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
