She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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