u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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