11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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