the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
