Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
