if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
