my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
