Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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