I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
