I seem to have left my pride at pride
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
NoShamevember. You game?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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