Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
