So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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