somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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