remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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