If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
