ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pooping to opera.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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