He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
