Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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