shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
