I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
