I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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