Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
