is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
