Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
