so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
