it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
why is half of my head shaved?
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