How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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