how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
