i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
