One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
